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General CBT Skills~20 min

When controlling feelings puts life on hold

Explore a repeated pattern of waiting to feel different before living, while keeping useful relief, treatment and protection in place.

Written by Tarun Vermani, Trainee Clinical Psychologist Last reviewed

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Complete this with your therapist. Look across more than one attempt to change an unwanted feeling or thought. You are exploring a pattern, not proving that your efforts failed. Relief, rest and distraction can be useful. Making room for a feeling is not resignation or accepting harm. Keep necessary treatment, medical care and safety steps. You can stop or decide that no change is needed. If the discussion leaves you overwhelmed or hopeless, pause and tell your therapist. For urgent help when they are unavailable, use your agreed urgent-care contact; call 999 for immediate danger. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or feel unable to stay safe, contact your therapist, GP or urgent-care service now rather than writing it here. In an emergency, call 999. For emotional support, call Samaritans free, day or night, on 116 123.

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Across attempts, then a choice

Mixed or unclear answers are welcome. Keep useful relief, care and protection.

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When to use ‘When controlling feelings puts life on hold’

‘When controlling feelings puts life on hold’ is an interactive acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) worksheet. Consider this resource when a client is caught up in difficult thoughts or feelings and wants to explore actions that fit what matters to them.

It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device or download it as a print-ready PDF.

How it works

Most people work through it in around 20 minutes. It centres on one focused exercise:

  1. Across attempts, then a choice: Mixed or unclear answers are welcome. Keep useful relief, care and protection.

Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.

The ACT approach behind it

‘When controlling feelings puts life on hold’ draws on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT centres on psychological flexibility: making room for experience while choosing actions guided by values. Acceptance involves willingness to experience thoughts and feelings; defusion means noticing thoughts as thoughts. Attention to the present moment and committed action connect these ideas with choices in daily life.

It is intended as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis. The therapist can help decide how it fits the work and discuss what emerges.

Evidence & sources

This worksheet draws on acceptance and commitment therapy. Key sources include:

  • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. Guilford Press.
  • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.

For use alongside professional support

Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.

If you need urgent help now:

  • Emergency services: 999 — if you or someone else is in immediate danger
  • NHS 111 (NHS 24 in Scotland): 111 — choose the mental health option for urgent help, in England, Scotland and Wales (in Wales, press 2)
  • Lifeline: 0808 808 8000 — for urgent help in Northern Ireland, free, day or night
  • Samaritans: 116 123 — free, day or night, 365 days a year
  • Shout: 85258 — text SHOUT, free, day or night
  • SANEline: 0300 304 7000 — 4pm–10pm, every day

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