Assertive Body Language
Part handout, part practice. Learn how body language shapes the message you send, see the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive styles, and practise the building blocks of calm, confident, respectful body language.
Written by Tarun Vermani, Trainee Clinical Psychologist Last reviewed
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Assertive Body Language
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What body language says
We communicate as much with our bodies as we do with our words - through our posture, our face, our voice, and how we hold ourselves. Often people read our body language before they have taken in what we are actually saying. Assertive body language signals calm confidence and respect: respect for yourself, and respect for the other person. It is not about looking tough or taking up all the space. It is about coming across as steady, open, and sure of your right to be heard.
The building blocks
Assertive body language is made up of a few simple ingredients. Posture: standing or sitting upright and open, rather than hunched or rigid. Eye contact: steady and natural, not staring and not avoiding. Voice: clear, steady, and unhurried, at a volume that carries without being loud. Facial expression: matching your message, so your face fits your words. Personal space: keeping an appropriate, comfortable distance. Gestures: open and relaxed, rather than closed off or jabbing. Read each one, and keep them in mind as you work through the rest.
Passive, aggressive, or assertive?
Each part of body language can lean passive, aggressive, or assertive. Have a go at filling in how each one looks in the three styles - in your own words. Picturing the differences makes it easier to notice and adjust your own.
| # | Channel | Passive looks like | Aggressive looks like | Assertive looks like | Actions |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | |||||
| 2 | |||||
| 3 | |||||
| 4 | |||||
| 5 |
Which would you like to work on?
Looking at the building blocks, tick the ones you would most like to work on. These are good places to start practising.
Practice log
Body language is learned by doing. Pick real situations to try it out in, set yourself a small body-language goal for each, and note how it went afterwards. Start with easier situations and work up.
| # | Situation | Body-language goal | How it went | Actions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | ||||
| 2 |
Over to you
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When to use ‘Assertive Body Language’
‘Assertive Body Language’ is an interactive cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) worksheet. As a core CBT skill it is used right across the model, with presentations including depression, anxiety, OCD, trauma and low self-esteem, rather than being tied to a single diagnosis.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device — or download it as a print-ready PDF.
How it works
Most people work through it in around 12 minutes. It moves through six short steps:
- What body language says — We communicate as much with our bodies as we do with our words - through our posture, our face, our voice, and how we hold ourselves. Often…
- The building blocks — Assertive body language is made up of a few simple ingredients. Posture: standing or sitting upright and open, rather than hunched or…
- Passive, aggressive, or assertive? — Each part of body language can lean passive, aggressive, or assertive. Have a go at filling in how each one looks in the three styles - in…
- Which would you like to work on? — Looking at the building blocks, tick the ones you would most like to work on. These are good places to start practising.
- Practice log — Body language is learned by doing. Pick real situations to try it out in, set yourself a small body-language goal for each, and note how it…
- Over to you
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
The CBT approach behind it
In common with other CBT methods, ‘Assertive Body Language’ works by noticing the links between situations, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviour — and finding practical ways to change unhelpful patterns. The aim is not positive thinking but a clearer, shared understanding of what keeps a difficulty going — and practical, testable ways to change it.
Because it is a CBT tool it stays focused on the here-and-now links between thoughts, feelings, the body and behaviour, and it works best as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis.
Evidence & sources
This worksheet is grounded in established cognitive behavioural therapy theory and practice. Key sources include:
- Alberti, R. & Emmons, M. (2017). Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (10th ed.). Oakland, CA: Impact Publishers.
- Rakos, R.F. (1991). Assertive Behavior: Theory, Research, and Training. London: Routledge.
For use alongside professional support
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
- Emergency services: 999 — if you or someone else is in immediate danger
- Samaritans: 116 123 — free, day or night, 365 days a year
- SANEline: 0800 689 5555 — 4:30pm–10:30pm, every day
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