Finding a both-and response
Explore two apparently opposed positions, notice what each captures and choose a response that holds useful truths together.
Written by Tarun Vermani, Trainee Clinical Psychologist Last reviewed
Assign and Download open signup, then return you to this worksheet. No card required. Resource access depends on your plan or trial. Already have an account? Sign in
Worksheet preview
Finding a both-and response
PreviewLive preview — type in any field to try it. Nothing is saved here.
Explore, choose and review
Try it here — nothing you type is saved. Sign up to assign it and let clients complete it on any device.
When to use ‘Finding a both-and response’
‘Finding a both-and response’ is an interactive dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) worksheet. Consider this resource when exploring how a client responds to intense emotions, distress or relationship difficulties, and where acceptance or a change in response might fit.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device or download it as a print-ready PDF.
How it works
Most people work through it in around 20 minutes. It centres on one focused exercise:
- Explore, choose and review
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
The DBT approach behind it
‘Finding a both-and response’ draws on dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). DBT brings acceptance and change together: recognising an experience as it is while considering a different response. Its skills include mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. These offer ways to notice what is happening, stay with difficult moments, understand emotions and communicate needs. The therapist and client can consider which skills fit the situation.
It is intended as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis. The therapist can help decide how it fits the work and discuss what emerges.
Evidence & sources
This worksheet draws on dialectical behaviour therapy. Key sources include:
- Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
For use alongside professional support
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
- Emergency services: 999 — if you or someone else is in immediate danger
- NHS 111 (NHS 24 in Scotland): 111 — choose the mental health option for urgent help, in England, Scotland and Wales (in Wales, press 2)
- Lifeline: 0808 808 8000 — for urgent help in Northern Ireland, free, day or night
- Samaritans: 116 123 — free, day or night, 365 days a year
- Shout: 85258 — text SHOUT, free, day or night
- SANEline: 0300 304 7000 — 4pm–10pm, every day
More Personality & Schema Work worksheets
View all Personality & Schema Work worksheets →Personality & Schema Work
Schema formulation
Map how early experiences, schemas about yourself, others and the world, ways of coping and patterns in life now fit together, drawing on Beck's cognitive model and Young's schema therapy.
Personality & Schema Work
Core belief continuum
Rate one helpful quality, such as being lovable, on a 0 to 100 scale. Place other people and your own experiences on it, then rate yourself again. Based on Padesky (1994): the continuum method, with a before and after rating added.
Personality & Schema Work
Therapy flashcard builder
Make coping flashcards that capture a difficult situation, the old unhelpful response, and a new, more helpful response, for quick reference in hard moments. Based on cognitive therapy coping cards (no single published form): adds a kind reminder to yourself.
Personality & Schema Work
Schema diary
Record when an old pattern is set off: what happened, what you felt and thought, how you coped, and what a kind, wise part of you would say. Based on Young, Klosko and Weishaar (2003): their schema diary in our own words, with a feeling rating and an unmet-need prompt added.
Personality & Schema Work
Historical evidence review
Look at one core belief across your life, one period at a time, noting what fits it, what does not, and another way to see it. Rate it before and after. Based on Padesky (1994): the historical test of a core belief, with an alternative belief and ratings added.
Personality & Schema Work
Chain analysis worksheet
Trace a problem behaviour back through the vulnerability factors, events, thoughts, feelings and actions that led to it, then find points where you could break the chain. Simplified from Linehan (1993): behavioural chain analysis and solution analysis in plain words, leaving out the full list of link types and skills training detail.
Want to assign this to a client?
Create a free therapist account to use the homework and library download tools. Clients can complete assigned homework online or use a blank PDF. See how the homework workflow works.
No card required. The Free plan includes 10 worksheet uses a month. Check plan access and limits.