A person-centred, schema-informed worksheet for noticing the conditional rules we carry about our own worth - the sense that 'I am only acceptable, lovable, or good enough IF...'. It gently traces where these conditions came from, what they cost us, and how to move toward a kinder, more flexible, and less conditional way of relating to ourselves.
Conditions of Worth
PreviewMany of us grow up absorbing a quiet message: that we are acceptable, lovable, or good enough only when we meet certain conditions. The psychologist Carl Rogers called these 'conditions of worth'. They are not things we chose; they form early, from the approval and disapproval, praise and criticism, and unspoken expectations we picked up from caregivers, school, and the wider culture around us. A child who was praised mainly for achieving, or comforted only when they were quiet and undemanding, may grow into an adult who feels their worth is forever on trial. Naming these conditions is not about blaming anyone. It is about noticing rules you may have outgrown, so you can begin to hold yourself with more warmth and less judgement.
As you read the description above, what comes up for you? You might notice a particular rule, a memory, or just a feeling. There is no right answer here.
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A condition of worth usually takes the shape 'I am only worthwhile / lovable / good enough IF ...'. Use the table to set down any that feel familiar. Take your time, and be as honest and gentle with yourself as you can.
Your conditions of worth
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Which of these feels the strongest or most painful right now? Write it here, as we will return to it.
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Conditions of worth often helped us once - they may have won approval, kept us safe, or helped us belong. It can still be worth noticing what they ask of us now, and what they quietly take away.
What does living by this condition cost you? Think about your energy, your relationships, the things you avoid or push yourself to do, and how you feel about yourself.
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When you really take in that cost, how heavy does it feel right now?
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If you no longer had to meet this condition to feel worthy, what might become more possible for you?
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A condition of worth can feel like a fact, but it is really a rule we learned. Here we gently test it - not to win an argument, but to see whether it is as true, or as necessary, as it feels.
What evidence is there that this condition is not actually true - that your worth does not really depend on meeting it? (Think of people you love whom you would never judge by this rule, or times your worth held even when you did not meet the condition.)
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Even if this condition once served a purpose, in what ways might it no longer be necessary for you now?
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Would you apply this condition to someone you care about? If not, what does that tell you?
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Unconditional self-acceptance does not mean believing you are perfect, or never wanting to grow. It means holding your worth as a given - something you have simply by being a person - rather than something you must keep earning. Here you can begin to draft a gentler, more flexible rule to carry instead.
Draft a kinder, more flexible version of your old condition. It might begin 'I am worthwhile because ...' or 'My worth does not depend on ...'. Write it in words that feel true and warm, even if you cannot fully believe it yet.
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How much can you believe this kinder rule at the moment? (It is completely okay if this is low for now - belief often grows slowly.)
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What is one small way you could practise living from this kinder rule this week?
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This is a read-only preview. Sign up to assign it and let clients complete it on any device.
‘Conditions of Worth’ is an interactive cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) worksheet, most often used in CBT for low self-esteem.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device — or download it as a print-ready PDF.
Most people work through it in around 20 minutes. It moves through five short steps:
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
In common with other CBT methods, ‘Conditions of Worth’ works by building a kinder, more balanced relationship with oneself (compassion-focused work). The aim is not positive thinking but a clearer, shared understanding of what keeps a difficulty going — and practical, testable ways to change it.
Because it is a CBT tool it stays focused on the here-and-now links between thoughts, feelings, the body and behaviour, and it works best as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis.
This worksheet is grounded in established cognitive behavioural therapy theory and practice. Key sources include:
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
Sign up free and send your client a link. They complete it on any device — you review their responses before the next session.
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Move from all-or-nothing core belief thinking to a continuum — placing yourself and evidence along a 0–100 scale.