Conditions of Worth
A person-centred, schema-informed worksheet for noticing the conditional rules we carry about our own worth - the sense that 'I am only acceptable, lovable, or good enough IF...'. It gently traces where these conditions came from, what they cost us, and how to move toward a kinder, more flexible, and less conditional way of relating to ourselves.
Written by Tarun Vermani, Trainee Clinical Psychologist Last reviewed
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Conditions of Worth
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Understanding conditions of worth
Many of us grow up absorbing a quiet message: that we are acceptable, lovable, or good enough only when we meet certain conditions. The psychologist Carl Rogers called these 'conditions of worth'. They are not things we chose; they form early, from the approval and disapproval, praise and criticism, and unspoken expectations we picked up from caregivers, school, and the wider culture around us. A child who was praised mainly for achieving, or comforted only when they were quiet and undemanding, may grow into an adult who feels their worth is forever on trial. Naming these conditions is not about blaming anyone. It is about noticing rules you may have outgrown, so you can begin to hold yourself with more warmth and less judgement.
Identifying your own conditions of worth
A condition of worth usually takes the shape 'I am only worthwhile / lovable / good enough IF ...'. Use the table to set down any that feel familiar. Take your time, and be as honest and gentle with yourself as you can.
| # | The condition ('I am only ... IF ...') | Where might it have come from? (messages from caregivers, school, culture) | How does it affect me now? (in my feelings, choices, relationships) | Actions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |
The cost of living by this condition
Conditions of worth often helped us once - they may have won approval, kept us safe, or helped us belong. It can still be worth noticing what they ask of us now, and what they quietly take away.
Looking at the condition more closely
A condition of worth can feel like a fact, but it is really a rule we learned. Here we gently test it - not to win an argument, but to see whether it is as true, or as necessary, as it feels.
Toward a kinder, more flexible rule
Unconditional self-acceptance does not mean believing you are perfect, or never wanting to grow. It means holding your worth as a given - something you have simply by being a person - rather than something you must keep earning. Here you can begin to draft a gentler, more flexible rule to carry instead.
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When to use ‘Conditions of Worth’
‘Conditions of Worth’ is an interactive cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) worksheet, most often used in CBT for low self-esteem.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device — or download it as a print-ready PDF.
How it works
Most people work through it in around 20 minutes. It moves through five short steps:
- Understanding conditions of worth — Many of us grow up absorbing a quiet message: that we are acceptable, lovable, or good enough only when we meet certain conditions. The…
- Identifying your own conditions of worth — A condition of worth usually takes the shape 'I am only worthwhile / lovable / good enough IF ...'. Use the table to set down any that feel…
- The cost of living by this condition — Conditions of worth often helped us once - they may have won approval, kept us safe, or helped us belong. It can still be worth noticing…
- Looking at the condition more closely — A condition of worth can feel like a fact, but it is really a rule we learned. Here we gently test it - not to win an argument, but to see…
- Toward a kinder, more flexible rule — Unconditional self-acceptance does not mean believing you are perfect, or never wanting to grow. It means holding your worth as a given -…
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
The CBT approach behind it
In common with other CBT methods, ‘Conditions of Worth’ works by building a kinder, more balanced relationship with oneself (compassion-focused work). The aim is not positive thinking but a clearer, shared understanding of what keeps a difficulty going — and practical, testable ways to change it.
Because it is a CBT tool it stays focused on the here-and-now links between thoughts, feelings, the body and behaviour, and it works best as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis.
Evidence & sources
This worksheet is grounded in established cognitive behavioural therapy theory and practice. Key sources include:
- Rogers, C.R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships, as developed in the client-centered framework. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A Study of a Science, Vol. 3. New York: McGraw-Hill.
- Young, J.E., Klosko, J.S., & Weishaar, M.E. (2003). Schema Therapy. New York: Guilford Press.
For use alongside professional support
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
- Emergency services: 999 — if you or someone else is in immediate danger
- Samaritans: 116 123 — free, day or night, 365 days a year
- SANEline: 0800 689 5555 — 4:30pm–10:30pm, every day
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