RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection
An RO-DBT worksheet for people whose difficulties come from maladaptive overcontrol (rigid, perfectionistic, risk-averse, distant) rather than undercontrol. It clarifies values and valued directions, sets goals centred on signalling openness and deepening social connection, and builds practices of receptivity, self-enquiry, and willingness to tolerate uncertainty and feared identities. Grounded in Thomas Lynch's social-signalling deficit hypothesis: overcontrol inhibits open emotional expression, which blocks the social connectedness people need to thrive.
Written by Tarun Vermani, Trainee Clinical Psychologist Last reviewed
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RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection
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Two ways of coping: overcontrol and open living
RO-DBT distinguishes overcontrol from undercontrol. Overcontrol is not about being 'too controlled' in a bad way on purpose. It is a style that often started as a strength (self-discipline, conscientiousness, high standards) but can become rigid and costly. The aim of RO-DBT is not more control, and not less control either. It is more openness, flexibility, and social connectedness. Read the contrast below and notice what fits for you.
Values and valued directions
Values are the qualities of living that matter to you, the directions you want to move in. They are different from goals: a value is ongoing (being a caring friend), a goal is something you can complete (call my friend this week). Clarifying values helps your goals point somewhere that genuinely matters, rather than toward more control for its own sake.
| # | Life area (e.g. relationships, work, community, self) | The qualities / direction I value here | How close is my life to this right now? What gets in the way? | Actions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |
Deepening social connection: goals for signalling openness
This is the heart of RO-DBT. Lynch's social-signalling deficit hypothesis is the idea that overcontrol inhibits open emotional expression, and because other people read our expressions to know whether we are safe and approachable, masked or flat expression unintentionally signals 'keep away'. This weakens the social bonds we all need. So the central work is not changing how you feel inside first, but practising signalling openness and cooperation on the outside, which activates your own and others' social-safety system and lets connection grow. Set goals here that specifically involve being more open and reachable to others.
| # | Person / relationship | How I will signal openness or cooperation (the observable action) | What I hope this opens up between us | Actions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |
Openness and receptivity: self-enquiry at your edge
Self-enquiry is the core RO-DBT practice for staying open. Instead of automatically defending, dismissing, or fixing when feedback or a situation challenges you, you turn toward your 'edge' (the moment you notice you want to shut down, push back, or prove you are right) with curiosity. The aim is not to find a quick answer, but to be willing to learn something you might be avoiding. Receptivity means being genuinely open to disconfirming feedback rather than discounting it.
Willingness to tolerate uncertainty and feared identities
Living openly means doing things without a guarantee they will go well, and risking being seen in ways that feel uncomfortable. For overcontrolled people, the feared identity is often being seen as ordinary, needy, messy, uncertain, or wrong. RO-DBT does not ask you to stop fearing these. It asks whether you are willing to tolerate them in the service of connection and a fuller life.
Committed action and review
Turn the above into a small, doable commitment for the coming days. Keep it specific and signal-focused. We will review together what it was like, with curiosity rather than judgement about whether it 'worked'.
| # | What I will do (specific, observable) | When / with whom | The edge I expect (what feared identity or uncertainty might show up) | Actions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |
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When to use ‘RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection’
‘RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection’ is an interactive cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) worksheet. As a core CBT skill it is used right across the model, with presentations including depression, anxiety, OCD, trauma and low self-esteem, rather than being tied to a single diagnosis.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device — or download it as a print-ready PDF.
How it works
Most people work through it in around 25 minutes. It moves through six short steps:
- Two ways of coping: overcontrol and open living — RO-DBT distinguishes overcontrol from undercontrol. Overcontrol is not about being 'too controlled' in a bad way on purpose. It is a style…
- Values and valued directions — Values are the qualities of living that matter to you, the directions you want to move in. They are different from goals: a value is…
- Deepening social connection: goals for signalling openness — This is the heart of RO-DBT. Lynch's social-signalling deficit hypothesis is the idea that overcontrol inhibits open emotional expression,…
- Openness and receptivity: self-enquiry at your edge — Self-enquiry is the core RO-DBT practice for staying open. Instead of automatically defending, dismissing, or fixing when feedback or a…
- Willingness to tolerate uncertainty and feared identities — Living openly means doing things without a guarantee they will go well, and risking being seen in ways that feel uncomfortable. For…
- Committed action and review — Turn the above into a small, doable commitment for the coming days. Keep it specific and signal-focused. We will review together what it…
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
The CBT approach behind it
In common with other CBT methods, ‘RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection’ works by re-engaging with meaningful and rewarding activity (behavioural activation). The aim is not positive thinking but a clearer, shared understanding of what keeps a difficulty going — and practical, testable ways to change it.
Because it is a CBT tool it stays focused on the here-and-now links between thoughts, feelings, the body and behaviour, and it works best as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis.
Evidence & sources
This worksheet is grounded in established cognitive behavioural therapy theory and practice. Key sources include:
- Lynch, T.R. (2018). Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Theory and Practice for Treating Disorders of Overcontrol. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
- Lynch, T.R. (2018). The Skills Training Manual for Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
For use alongside professional support
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
- Emergency services: 999 — if you or someone else is in immediate danger
- Samaritans: 116 123 — free, day or night, 365 days a year
- SANEline: 0800 689 5555 — 4:30pm–10:30pm, every day
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