An RO-DBT worksheet for people whose difficulties come from maladaptive overcontrol (rigid, perfectionistic, risk-averse, distant) rather than undercontrol. It clarifies values and valued directions, sets goals centred on signalling openness and deepening social connection, and builds practices of receptivity, self-enquiry, and willingness to tolerate uncertainty and feared identities. Grounded in Thomas Lynch's social-signalling deficit hypothesis: overcontrol inhibits open emotional expression, which blocks the social connectedness people need to thrive.
RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection
PreviewRO-DBT distinguishes overcontrol from undercontrol. Overcontrol is not about being 'too controlled' in a bad way on purpose. It is a style that often started as a strength (self-discipline, conscientiousness, high standards) but can become rigid and costly. The aim of RO-DBT is not more control, and not less control either. It is more openness, flexibility, and social connectedness. Read the contrast below and notice what fits for you.
Which of these overcontrolled patterns do you recognise in yourself? (Tick any that fit. There are no wrong answers.)
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In your own words, what has overcontrol cost you, and where has it served you well? (Both can be true.)
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What would 'living more openly' mean for you? (For example: showing more of how you actually feel, being more flexible, letting others in.)
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Values are the qualities of living that matter to you, the directions you want to move in. They are different from goals: a value is ongoing (being a caring friend), a goal is something you can complete (call my friend this week). Clarifying values helps your goals point somewhere that genuinely matters, rather than toward more control for its own sake.
Across a few life areas, name what kind of person you want to be and the direction you want to move in.
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If you had to choose one valued direction to focus on first, which is it, and why does it matter to you?
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This is the heart of RO-DBT. Lynch's social-signalling deficit hypothesis is the idea that overcontrol inhibits open emotional expression, and because other people read our expressions to know whether we are safe and approachable, masked or flat expression unintentionally signals 'keep away'. This weakens the social bonds we all need. So the central work is not changing how you feel inside first, but practising signalling openness and cooperation on the outside, which activates your own and others' social-safety system and lets connection grow. Set goals here that specifically involve being more open and reachable to others.
What do you think you currently signal to others without meaning to? (For example: 'I'm fine and don't need anyone', 'I'm judging this', 'keep it formal'.)
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Which signals of openness and social engagement would you be willing to experiment with? (These are observable actions that help others read you as safe and reachable.)
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Set two or three concrete goals that deepen a specific relationship by signalling openness. Be specific about who and how.
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Self-enquiry is the core RO-DBT practice for staying open. Instead of automatically defending, dismissing, or fixing when feedback or a situation challenges you, you turn toward your 'edge' (the moment you notice you want to shut down, push back, or prove you are right) with curiosity. The aim is not to find a quick answer, but to be willing to learn something you might be avoiding. Receptivity means being genuinely open to disconfirming feedback rather than discounting it.
Describe a recent moment where you felt your edge: feedback, a disagreement, or something that left you wanting to defend, withdraw, or correct.
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When you reached your edge, what was your first pull?
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Write a self-enquiry question to sit with (not answer). A good one points toward what you might be avoiding learning. For example: 'What is it I don't want to know here?' or 'Is there a grain of truth I am moving away from?'
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How willing are you, right now, to stay open to this feedback rather than discount it?
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Living openly means doing things without a guarantee they will go well, and risking being seen in ways that feel uncomfortable. For overcontrolled people, the feared identity is often being seen as ordinary, needy, messy, uncertain, or wrong. RO-DBT does not ask you to stop fearing these. It asks whether you are willing to tolerate them in the service of connection and a fuller life.
Which 'feared identities' feel hardest for you to let others see? (Tick any.)
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Where in your valued directions would you need to tolerate uncertainty or imperfection to move forward? What is one feared identity you could allow yourself to risk?
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How willing are you to tolerate this discomfort in the service of what you value?
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Turn the above into a small, doable commitment for the coming days. Keep it specific and signal-focused. We will review together what it was like, with curiosity rather than judgement about whether it 'worked'.
Plan one or two committed actions that signal openness or deepen connection this week.
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Date to review this together
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After trying it: what did you notice, in yourself and in the other person? What did self-enquiry open up? (Not 'did it work', but 'what did I learn'.)
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This is a read-only preview. Sign up to assign it and let clients complete it on any device.
‘RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection’ is an interactive cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) worksheet. As a core CBT skill it is used right across the model, with presentations including depression, anxiety, OCD, trauma and low self-esteem, rather than being tied to a single diagnosis.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device — or download it as a print-ready PDF.
Most people work through it in around 25 minutes. It moves through six short steps:
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
In common with other CBT methods, ‘RO-DBT Values, Goals and Social Connection’ works by re-engaging with meaningful and rewarding activity (behavioural activation). The aim is not positive thinking but a clearer, shared understanding of what keeps a difficulty going — and practical, testable ways to change it.
Because it is a CBT tool it stays focused on the here-and-now links between thoughts, feelings, the body and behaviour, and it works best as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis.
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
Sign up free and send your client a link. They complete it on any device — you review their responses before the next session.
No credit card required. 10 free worksheets every month.
This worksheet is grounded in established cognitive behavioural therapy theory and practice. Key sources include:
Move from all-or-nothing core belief thinking to a continuum — placing yourself and evidence along a 0–100 scale.