Social Comparison and Self-Worth
A plain-language explainer on why comparing ourselves to others is normal, how it can quietly feed low self-worth, especially on social media, and what helps.
Written by Tarun Vermani, Trainee Clinical Psychologist Last reviewed
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Social Comparison and Self-Worth
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We all compare
Comparing ourselves to other people is completely normal and largely automatic. We do it to work out where we stand, how we are doing, and whether we measure up. It is a deep part of how humans make sense of themselves, and everyone does it, often without noticing. So if you catch yourself comparing, there is nothing wrong with you. The question is not whether you compare, but how it leaves you feeling.
Upward and downward comparison
There are two directions to compare in. Comparing upward, against people who seem better off or more successful, can sometimes inspire and motivate us, but more often it leaves us feeling worse, behind, or not good enough. Comparing downward, against people who seem worse off, can bring a little comfort or relief, but it can also breed a quiet sense of contempt. Neither direction is a reliable route to feeling good about yourself.
Comparing your insides to others' outsides
Here is the real trap. We know our own inner world completely, every worry, doubt and flaw. But we only ever see other people's outer surface, the polished version they choose to show. So we end up judging our messy insides against their tidy outsides, which is never a fair contest. Social media makes this far worse, because a feed is a highlight reel: the best moments, carefully chosen, with all the ordinary and difficult parts left out.
The cost
When comparison becomes a constant habit, it quietly eats away at how you feel about yourself. It feeds low self-worth, stirs up envy, and leaves a nagging sense of not being enough, no matter what you actually have or achieve. Because there is always someone who appears to be doing better at something, comparison sets a contest you can never win, and the scoreboard keeps you feeling behind.
What helps
You cannot switch comparison off, but you can change your relationship with it. Start by noticing the habit and how it leaves you feeling. Curate your feeds, unfollowing or muting accounts that reliably make you feel worse. When you do compare, try comparing to your own past self rather than to other people, which is fairer and more useful. And keep coming back to your own values and what matters to you, rather than the endless scoreboard of how you stack up against others.
Which of these do you do?
Comparison habits are common and understandable. Tick any that you notice yourself doing.
Over to you
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When to use ‘Social Comparison and Self-Worth’
‘Social Comparison and Self-Worth’ is an interactive cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) worksheet, most often used in CBT for low self-esteem.
It is designed to be used within therapy rather than as a standalone self-help tool: a therapist introduces it, works through it collaboratively, and helps make sense of what it surfaces. You can preview the full worksheet above, then assign it digitally for clients to complete between sessions on any device — or download it as a print-ready PDF.
How it works
Most people work through it in around 7 minutes. It moves through six short steps:
- We all compare — Comparing ourselves to other people is completely normal and largely automatic. We do it to work out where we stand, how we are doing, and…
- Upward and downward comparison — There are two directions to compare in. Comparing upward, against people who seem better off or more successful, can sometimes inspire and…
- Comparing your insides to others' outsides — Here is the real trap. We know our own inner world completely, every worry, doubt and flaw. But we only ever see other people's outer…
- The cost — When comparison becomes a constant habit, it quietly eats away at how you feel about yourself. It feeds low self-worth, stirs up envy, and…
- What helps — You cannot switch comparison off, but you can change your relationship with it. Start by noticing the habit and how it leaves you feeling.…
- Which of these do you do? — Comparison habits are common and understandable. Tick any that you notice yourself doing.
Completed on the Formulate platform, your client's answers are saved automatically and shared straight back to you, so you can review them before the next session rather than waiting for a paper copy to come back.
The CBT approach behind it
In common with other CBT methods, ‘Social Comparison and Self-Worth’ works by noticing the links between situations, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviour — and finding practical ways to change unhelpful patterns. The aim is not positive thinking but a clearer, shared understanding of what keeps a difficulty going — and practical, testable ways to change it.
Because it is a CBT tool it stays focused on the here-and-now links between thoughts, feelings, the body and behaviour, and it works best as one part of a wider course of therapy rather than as advice or a diagnosis.
Evidence & sources
This worksheet is grounded in established cognitive behavioural therapy theory and practice. Key sources include:
- Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140.
- Vogel, E.A., Rose, J.P., Roberts, L.R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047
For use alongside professional support
Formulate provides educational CBT resources for use with a qualified therapist. They are not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or crisis care.
If you need urgent help now:
- Emergency services: 999 — if you or someone else is in immediate danger
- Samaritans: 116 123 — free, day or night, 365 days a year
- SANEline: 0800 689 5555 — 4:30pm–10:30pm, every day
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